VOICE YOUR WANTS
respectfully express boundaries with family, friends, and co-workers
Is it okay to ask for help?
Misconceptions about what it means to ask for help
can impact whether or not you decide to sign up today.Regardless of how or when these misconceptions
may have started, it does not make them true.Asking for help is only that (asking for help.)In mindfulness, it's is explained that ones does not
need to add a meaning or interpretation.
begin by validating yourself
Allow others to have their own responses while you control your approach
Be confident that you're not doing anything wrong
Identify and modify your self-talk and or your comparison to others
Identify long-standing patterns of how you make decisions
Improve your emotional intelligence
Practice active listening, staying on topic, using "I" statements, etc.
Practice mindfulness
Practice saying "No" when needed
Practice visualization
Question your guilt, regret, and shame and see if it is warranted
Reframe situations
Speak clearly without filler words
Start aligning your behaviors with what is important to you
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
What will I get out of this assertiveness coaching session?
An assertiveness coaching session is a low-risk (phone audio only) solution focused coaching session, where we take a step back and evaluate your choices and create new thinking patterns, perspectives, and make a plan to follow. You will problem-solve what usually leads to not accomplishing what you want. Sometimes it's not having boundaries , having self doubt , worrying about the “what ifs” scenarios, having difficulty staying calm to speak clear and direct, overthinking , etc.
You will learn to focus on the “what is” vs the “what could be” and learn to put an end to ruminating about situations.
All these different steps can help improve your confidence to approach the present situation. You will be aware of your intention and effectively learn to talk to yourself and others. Being assertive can help you settle different work-related stressors, maintain boundaries with family and friends, and feel in control of what you are going to say and do.
How does being assertive help me reduce additional stress?
When you are assertive, you tend to stand up for what you want and acknowledge that your time and opinions matter as much as someone else's, which helps you say "no" when needed. By being assertive, you speak clearly and honestly with others and follow through on what you are saying. This can lead to having more open and honest types of conversations and relationships. This also can lessen conflicts and lead to resolutions as you are clear on what you are okay with while respecting others' different perspectives and opinions. Being assertive reminds you to not react to others' opinions as if they are your reality and remain confident that you do not need to change your stance.
Are there any cons to being assertive?
There could be. Some people may not like when you say "no" or establish boundaries in the relationship and they may distance themselves. If this happens, you can ask them to tell you what they actually heard you say, and ask for your requests to be respected as you would or have respected theirs in the past. You can ask to engage in an open dialogue and clarify your intentions, but unfortunately some people may not want to hear it.
Be confident that you are simply being assertive and not being selfish, rude, or wrong by voicing your opinions, respecting your values and your time. And remember that by remaining assertive, it teaches others how to problem-solve and learn to manage and process their own expectations and wants.
Can I use this in every conversation?
Yes, you can. Sharing your opinions, standing up for yourself, responding and not reacting, respecting yourself and others, and speaking honestly and clearly is something you can decide to use whenever you want.
Can you teach me how to work through intense (or tough) conversations?
Yes, I can. I will provide you with sample statements and responses to address the conversation. Create a plan for what to do and what not to do during and after. We could role play parts of the conversation. You can start by being assertive with yourself by speaking to yourself with a clear and validating stance.
Is assertiveness practical?
Yes, assertiveness is a practical skill because it is action-orientated. And, through practice it can be adopted as your main way of communicating in any type of conversation you may find yourself in. Start identifying your preferences and asking for it.
What can I accomplish by being assertive?
Become less stressed when making decisions
Decrease feelings of being taken advantage of , feeling resentful , feeling burnt out, stop avoiding others, etc.
Create and maintain guilt-free boundaries
Stop personalizing opinions
Gain self-confidence
Say “no” when needed
Accept others opinions as opinions only
Learn to check in with yourself
Gain awareness of the type of life you want to live and lead with
Identify decisions that are not aligning with your intentions and what you value and consider important
How does being assertive help me reduce additional stress?
Boundaries tell others what you're okay with and what they can expect, so both you and them are clear on what is supposed to happen. Assertiveness is an effective way of communicating that can help reduce conflict as it is a clear, honest ,and respectful style of communication. You can feel in control of what you will say and do.
What about my life will change after I learn how to be assertive?
The type of relationship you have with yourself and with others will change as you will respect your opinions and values as well as be aware of others’ rights. You will experience less self doubt and more confidence in the ability to say “no”. You will lead with an intention and a plan to follow in different conversations.
How will I know I am being overly rude or aggressive?
First, you will define what you would have to say and or do to sound "rude" or "aggressive" and ask yourself if you are doing this or not. Also, by practicing with me and being provided feedback about how your language may be coming off in the conversation, identifying characteristics of rude behavior, asking the other person if they find your approach rude or aggressive, etc. Remember this session is designed for you to ask questions about what you experience when trying to talk to others.
Who is assertiveness coaching right for?
Assertiveness coaching is right for anyone needing to learn how to effectively use a new skill.
Do I need coaching or therapy?
It depends on what you are experiencing, ability to cope with your situation, and what you are expecting out of sessions.
Therapy can be helpful when one's concerns are making daily life and functioning difficult and the concerns cause an overwhelming part of their day being consumed with sadness, anger, avoidance, worry, excessive fear, etc.
Therapy can provide assistance managing mental health conditions and their symptoms especially if one experiences thoughts of wanting to commit suicide or hurt others in anyway.
In therapy, you can address thoughts about suicide and or self-harm as well addiction, eating disorders, mood disorders, and other mental health diagnosis that may make one feel hopeless or controlled by their symptoms. Therapy can also serve as a time to process grief and trauma and discuss medication management, or social services to supplement sessions.
Coaching focuses on teaching you a specific skill (assertiveness) and adding to your current personal and professional areas to effectively start communicating your wants.
Coaching identifies practical steps to follow and become action- oriented in what you want to happen next while respecting yourself and being aware of others’ rights.
Coaching is not meant to substitute therapy and does not include any mental and or emotional healing or any assessments , diagnosing, prevention, or treatment of mental/emotional distress.
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